Finding Your Tribe: Be First
This is Part 3 of my series on developing deeper friendships as an adult. If you missed the first two installments or want to read how this series came about, check out:
I’ll admit, I got a little tongue and cheek with the title of this post: “Be First”. After all, that seems to go against everything we’ve been taught about being a good friend. We’re taught (and likewise, teach our children) to follow the Golden Rule. “Do unto others as you would do unto yourself.” Or, always put others above your own needs. So my advice to “Be First” seems a bit controversial.
Or is it?
When you’re trying to develop new friendships, at some point, you have move beyond being mere acquaintances and dig deeper. How does this happen? Most of us would probably admit that we have plenty of acquaintances, but struggle to form those truly deep friendships or get to the point where we consider the other person a “close” friend in whom we can confide. Enter today’s post:
When I write that you should “be first”, what I mean is that you should strive to be the first to make a move to deepen a friendship.
Let’s say you have a co-worker that you see every day in the workroom when you’re both grabbing your morning coffee. You both have children the same age and are constantly sharing stories about your children’s silly antics or the cute face they made last night at dinner.
This friendship is really an acquaintance, but you’d like to get to know this woman a little more. Be the first to extend an invitation to do something outside of work. And then, follow through. Plan a day and time to actually do it. And then, do it.
Chances are, when you extend the invitation and follow through, you all will connect on a deeper level and may end up repeating the process. Eventually, what started out as a connection of mutual interest (your kids) may turn out to be a treasured friendship.
And Then Be Last
After you’ve taken the initiative to get to know your friend, THEN you should revert back to practicing the Golden Rule.
If you remember these two tactics the next time you’re trying to build new friendships, it won’t be long until you have an array of friends who adore hanging out and sharing life with you as much as you do with them!
I hope you’re enjoying this series! Stayed tuned for Part 4 of Finding Your Tribe!
How did you meet your best friend? What things did you do to deepen the friendship from acquaintance to close confidant? I’d love for you to comment below!
Ps. I respond to ALL comments (unless they’re SPAM, in which case, I delete:). Thanks for reading!