Lies We (Moms) Believe
This week I was having a conversation with a fellow mom of littles, and I was struck by how much she and I had several “mom feelings” in common.
I’m not talking about those happy-go-lucky, I-live-next-to-Disney-World feelings at all. I’m talking about some deep, overwhelming feelings.
She explained how she was feeling and I found myself nodding and saying, “Girl, that’s the way I feel too.”
The more I reflected on our conversation, the more I realized that probably ALL moms have a tendency to believe some common lies about ourselves and our parenting.
Have you ever found yourself thinking any one of these thoughts?
I’ll bet you’ve conjured up a mental image of “that other mom” in your head, right? Guess what? That seemingly perfect mom does not, in fact, have it all together. There may be an area that she has down to a science. (Side note: if you’re a mom who has mastered the whole toddler and infant sleep thing, please come to my house and teach me your ways immediately!) But, rest assured, she has another area that she struggles with. We all do, momma! That’s why we need to lean on each other as well as the people in our lives who can help us when parenting gets especially hard.
2. I am the only one who feels like this right now.
I truly thought PPA/ PPD had nothing on me. After all, I’ve had 3 children at this point. I’ve got this. So when anxiety closed its iron fist around my neck at two months postpartum this time around, I felt like I’d run headfirst into a brick wall, blindfolded. And along with the anxiety came the feeling that, “No one else is dealing with this. I am alone.” Wrong! I am in this amazing online forum and one of the most common post topics from other women is navigating through their PPD. It serves as a great reminder that I am not isolated in my feelings. Other mothers are currently dealing with the postpartum struggle, just like me.
Ps. If you’re dealing with postpartum depression or anxiety, please talk to your doctor about resources that can help you. Also, please know that you will not always feel this way! This too shall pass.
3. If only I just “catch up” on [laundry, dishes, decluttering the house, meal planning, insert literally any other task here], my life will become perfect.
This might just be the biggest lie of all time.
When did we start buying into the idea that perfection in any area is even attainable? Because it’s not.
Public Service Announcement 📣: perfection is a lie. It does not exist in our imperfect world.
One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever read on the subject of feeling like you need to catch up is from the Fly Lady (www.flylady.net). Here is what she says:
“Stop trying to catch up. Just jump in right where you are.”
This quote always helps me stop feeling the pressure to catch up, because let’s be honest, the laundry will never, ever be truly caught up. It also relieves me of the need to be perfect.
I am not the perfect momma and neither are you!
Here’s what we have to realize: We are all facing parenting challenges on a daily basis as we attempt to raise these tiny humans without completely screwing them up🤣. So, when you go to drink your lukewarm coffee (SOML today and every day), give yourself a big tablespoon serving of sweet grace alongside of it!
Then text another momma and ask her how her day is going. Chances are, she may be facing some of the same parenting issues you are. Remind each other that you are not alone, you aren’t the only mom who feels overwhelmed, and you don’t (and won’t) have to come even close to being the perfect momma.
You are a beautiful, imperfect mess who just happens to be the perfect momma for your children!
Stay Strong, Momma.